Consider Yourself Warned

Does anybody out there have a Wii Fit? No? Does anybody out there have a passive aggressive in-law or co-worker who gives you backhanded compliments and publicly comments about your weight? Oh, then you have a Wii Fit.

The first time Wii insulted me was when I stood on it for less than five minutes. In less than five minutes it surmised that I had the body of a 39 year old. I also have the heart of the champion but Wii failed to see that. It's almost like Wii only looks at the outside.

When you do exercises with Wii and you don't ski very fast, it will say things like:

"Oh....looks like you didn't go as fast as last time." Oh really?! Is that because I went SO fast last time that there's no way I could have maintained such a speed? We'll never know. The Wii sure doesn't think so.

But the final blow...

Last night my roommate Emily decided to have a little Wii session. She hopped on the little box of self-esteem deflation and the following conversation ensued. Not even kidding.

Wii: "Have you seen Jelly lately?" (Jelly is my Wii name.)
Em: "Yes." (Picking between multiple choice 'yes' or 'no.')
Wii: "How does she look to you?" (HOW DO I LOOK?)
Wii: "a. slimmer, b. heavier, c. more toned, d. the same" (How dare you, Wii.)
Em: "The same." (The appropriate answer.)
Wii: "Change is so much more exciting, don't you think?" (Exciting?! Nice try. I will not be enticed to be active and care for my health by the likes of you.)

Hostile robot take-over! It's infiltrating my friends because I don't work out enough?! Who would've thought? Little machines that scold like people and talk behind your back? Consider yourself warned. If you buy one, you are not buying a work-out-help-out, you are buying a work-out-shamer. An "insidious creature," as Emily would say. But if you want an insidious creature in your house, that is not my business. Don't come crying to me when it tells you you could've done better. Maybe it's right. Maybe you could've. (See how the Wii has already pitted us against each other?!) Unbelievable.

There's no place like home; there's no place like home; there's no place...

But where is home? That is the question. I've been spending the week in Utah with my family, and this will always be home in a way, but do I want it to be my future home? There's a lot of merit to living here, namely the family, the mountains, the little playhouse out in the backyard my dad said I could have when I'm jobless...but there's also a lot of merit to living outside of Utah. So. This is not like a vocab quiz. As much as literary skills matter to me, this matters even more. Choose wisely. I'm approaching a crossroad in life, graduating and job interviewing, and all that junk.

Where oh where should I go?

a. Santa Monica - move, you say? I know. I already live here. And love it. And live by a beach and a cupcake shop. Does it get any better?
b. Fargo, North Dakota- a lot of MASH games in church had me ending up here. You can't argue with fate.
c. Salt Lake - my sister will be living there and I could live with her. Living with Kristen would mean endless fun and probably a makeover or two.
d. Washington, DC - I think I could really enjoy the East coast and I've always planned on living there for at least seven years. Now's as good a time as any to start.
e. New York City - I've lived there before for a brief stint and quite enjoyed it sans the lack of sky. But they have a lot of pastry shops and pastry shops can highly compensate for really any lack.
f. Chicago - Chicago is so much cleaner and prettier than NYC. (No offense). So if I was going to choose a big city, why not go with the hygenic one?
g. Buffalo - I have a new found love for the Buffalo Bills.
h. Alternative choices: Seattle, Boston, Orange County
i. Forget the whole thing. Don't get a job. Start a cookie shop on the beach. Live off my earnings and sleep in the kitchen.

Vocab Quiz

What is the definition of the word "mittelschmerz?"

a. A delicious British interpretation of bratwurst
b. My great aunt Marta's maiden name that is now hyphenated with her married name
c. A delightfully grotesque word describing the pain of ovulation
d. The time period between the budding of a giraffe's spots to full maturity

I have nothing to blog about...

...but will bore you with the occurences of January, 2009.

1. In a time of economic downturn I took the road less traveled and quit one of my jobs. It's the same surge of satisfaction you experience when you get to college and realize that you don't actually have to go to class and can stay home and play Uno instead. Now I have less money and more time to play Uno.
2. I remembered that I have little business dating men who neither read nor watch football. I'm sure I'll have to eat my words someday, but by that time I'll be living with my sister in an attic and we won't even get cable, so not a big deal.
3. I was playing the pianoforte and a man totally ablated me with his eyes when I hit the wrong note(s). After 21 years of ablation free playing, it came as quite a shock to my system. Eek! I think I'll challenge him to an arm wrestle, because in my mind an arm wrestle would prove a lot of points.
4. Chinese New Year was embraced. I love me some Chinese New Year and highly recommend its celebration. Ni hao.

It's Hard to Say I'm Sorry

Dear TSA Man,

I don't hate you or really anybody in the TSA. I'm sorry I said that loud of enough for you to hear and with a dagger of a stare. Have you ever taken a bite out of an oreo only to find that your little brother licked out the cream? It elicits a rather infuriating feeling. That is how I felt at that moment you ran my bag through the scanner for the second time to make sure I wasn't carrying knives with me, (which in fact I was, so my bad.) Anyway, you'll be happy to know that a) I liked your new uniform and b) it is a New Year's Resolution to be nothing but nice to all TSA personnel who I know are looking out for my safety and the safety of others by searching/frisking me just about every other time I go to the aiport.

Regretfully yours,

KMC

ps. And I didn't even miss my flight despite telling you angrily that I would. Oops! See you soon!