Consider Yourself Warned

Does anybody out there have a Wii Fit? No? Does anybody out there have a passive aggressive in-law or co-worker who gives you backhanded compliments and publicly comments about your weight? Oh, then you have a Wii Fit.

The first time Wii insulted me was when I stood on it for less than five minutes. In less than five minutes it surmised that I had the body of a 39 year old. I also have the heart of the champion but Wii failed to see that. It's almost like Wii only looks at the outside.

When you do exercises with Wii and you don't ski very fast, it will say things like:

"Oh....looks like you didn't go as fast as last time." Oh really?! Is that because I went SO fast last time that there's no way I could have maintained such a speed? We'll never know. The Wii sure doesn't think so.

But the final blow...

Last night my roommate Emily decided to have a little Wii session. She hopped on the little box of self-esteem deflation and the following conversation ensued. Not even kidding.

Wii: "Have you seen Jelly lately?" (Jelly is my Wii name.)
Em: "Yes." (Picking between multiple choice 'yes' or 'no.')
Wii: "How does she look to you?" (HOW DO I LOOK?)
Wii: "a. slimmer, b. heavier, c. more toned, d. the same" (How dare you, Wii.)
Em: "The same." (The appropriate answer.)
Wii: "Change is so much more exciting, don't you think?" (Exciting?! Nice try. I will not be enticed to be active and care for my health by the likes of you.)

Hostile robot take-over! It's infiltrating my friends because I don't work out enough?! Who would've thought? Little machines that scold like people and talk behind your back? Consider yourself warned. If you buy one, you are not buying a work-out-help-out, you are buying a work-out-shamer. An "insidious creature," as Emily would say. But if you want an insidious creature in your house, that is not my business. Don't come crying to me when it tells you you could've done better. Maybe it's right. Maybe you could've. (See how the Wii has already pitted us against each other?!) Unbelievable.