A Restraining Order

So I went to give blood the other day. I'm sure everyone's familiar with the process: you read a pamphlet and then get taken behind this tiny screen for interrogation. It's top secret and very invasive. And then you walk out and sit in the next line to actually donate your blood. Then you get treats. Voila. You've given life and you've received Oreos. I can't think of a better way to spend an hour. Once or twice, however, I've gone behind the tiny screen and walked out in shame because they didn't want my blood. I didn't get to go to the next line and I certainly didn't get a complimentary juice box (except once they took pity on me.) It's a very awkward feeling. Everybody sees you come out from behind the screen and they know what questions you have been asked. And they are left to wonder either what act of promiscuity you have committed or when you traveled covertly out of the country and lived in Africa for three years, because nobody remembers you doing that. Meanwhile, you are walking the long walk of shame back to your car, publicly circumventing all other stations.
Well, once I was denied because I had had some flu symptoms a couple days previously. Oops. And once I was denied because my iron count was too low. But last week I was denied for a whole new reason that must have been proportionately worse because this time, they made me sign a contract, promising that I wouldn't come back for a year. Really?! A contract? Do you really think I'm going to FORCE my blood upon someone when you feel it is TAINTED?! Yes, I have been restrained from the Red Cross. If I try to give blood again, who knows what will happen? Maybe they'll draw a red A on me like Hester. Or maybe, it will be even worse. Maybe they'll make me sign a contract that says I'll never have a fig newton again! Or juice and oreos! That would be devastating. In the meantime I guess I'll keep my blood to myself.

A Friendly Game of Tag

A--Attached or Single? Single
B--Best Friend? Whoever will pay me for being unemployed. I accept cupcakes as monetary substitution.
C-- Cake or Pie? I am a very non-discriminatory treat eater.
D-- Day of Choice? I'm actually quite partial to Mondays. I like starting a new week.
E-- Essential Item? My GPS System. Irreplaceable.
F--Favorite Color? Purple
G-- Gummy Bears or Worms? um....worms
H-- Hometown? Pleasant View
I-- Indulgence(s)? Songs by Rihanna. I wish I didn't love them so.
J-- January or July? July!
K-- Kids? TBA
L-- Life is Incomplete Without? Lake Powell and cookies
M-- Marriage Date? October 15, 2009. (My mom says that if I think positive thoughts it will come true. Verdict's still out.)
N-- Number of siblings? 3 charming brothers, 1 delightful sister
O-- Oranges or Apples? Apples. Oranges are too high maintenance
P-- Phobias or fears? Walking along minding by business and being unexpectedly hit by a bicylclist
Q-- Quotes? Joy is the serious business of Heaven. -C.S. Lewis
R-- Reason to Smile? I just had delicious curry for dinner.
S-- Season? Fall = football season, changing leaves, back to school, jacket weather.
T-- Tag 5 People? Emily, Sara, Tiffany, Marilyn, Hannah
U-- Unknown Fact? Unfortunately my life is an open book. I've worked to gain some mystery for some years now, but it proves to be useless.
V-- Very Favorite Store? Any grocery store. And probably Target.
W-- Worst Habit? Procrastinating
X-- Xray or Ultrasound? Is this a trick question?
Y-- Your Favorite Food? Fine food.
Z-- Zodiac? Leo

What's a girl gotta do?

Dating in LA can be tough sometimes. "Being available" at the punch bowl hasn't really availed to much. So what next? Hard to say. But here are some ideas:

Medical Emergencies You Should Know About

So I'm a camp nurse right now, and let me tell you, we have been having some exciting times! I get phone calls and worried reports from counselors and girls about bleeding, fainting, nausea, etc., and from all the excitement surrounding these complaints I can't help but think, "This must be serious!" So we (there are two nurses) jump into good old Mable (a '99 black beauty of a Maxima that is our temporary ambulance) and rush to the trauma scene. I drive like a mad woman and the other nurse, Amber, leans her head out the window and makes siren noises. (Okay, so we haven't actually made the noises yet, but we're really tempted.) When we arrive we find the following emergencies that require our immediate attention:
1. Stomach aches
2. Dry throats
3. Blistered heels
4. Headaches
5. Mosquito bites
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I've had one of those before and I never even went to the doctor!" Well, maybe you should have. Because when it happens here at camp it requires a medical professional as asap as possible.
Next time you experience one of these symptoms, call me. I am a nurse and will give you the number to the emergency room. If I don't answer, continue about your business as usual, and you'll be just fine. Probably.

Happy Father's Day

My dad is the best. While I have thought this for 24 years, I have never been able to find the perfect gift for him. Until now.


A friend from school casually passed along this business card to me that he found amusing. There are only two words on the card, small print, embossed, to the point.














So, dad, I realize it's a little tardy considering I no longer live under your roof and have almost learned to control my daily word quota, but still. For all those times I followed you into your office, for all those times I perched on your bed after dates, for all those times I called you at work...this card is for you. Just a little subtle flash will do. I'll understand. Happy Father's Day!